If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
