apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
