Will you blow on my dice?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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