He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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