So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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