if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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