Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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