Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
