No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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