she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
