So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
