Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
