I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
