How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
