I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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