Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
