ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
