Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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