I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
