u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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