He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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