Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she told me i tasted like america
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
