I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
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You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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