I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
