yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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