the condom got lost in my hair
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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