i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
