do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
