this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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