i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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