that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
