he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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