she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
