The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
