My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
