Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
