dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
