Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
