Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's always time for handjobs
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
