Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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