my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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