question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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