literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
