I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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