I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize