why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
