i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
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Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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