DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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