you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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