i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
