I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
