is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
