Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
