The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize