so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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