Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
