turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
