In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
