Only a mothe r could love this liver
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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