the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
