hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
