I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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