Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
