he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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