we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
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All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The ass gains better be worth it
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