I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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