This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
