please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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