When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
