he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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