its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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