I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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