And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
