The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
