your room smells of hookers.
And success
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
