Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
